I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
