ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
