Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
