I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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