Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
