Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
