I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
