You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
