Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All the doctor said was why
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
