Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I understand Curling. That high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
