I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
