My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
