he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
