They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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