So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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