My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
