Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
