If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
