Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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