Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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