so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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