I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
