She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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