I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
