there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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