Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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