I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
