Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
