Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
