you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im holly from the hills drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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