apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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