You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
