if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
