I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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