perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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