I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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