Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
