When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
