They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
