Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
