i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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