You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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