Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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