We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
