he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
