I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
