I'm lost and stupid without you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
