I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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