i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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