you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
