Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
